Try to keep in mind that your
basic assumptions about life and yourself are colored by your disease.
You see the world through brown-colored glasses.
You are a pessimist. You expect
bad events to be permanent, pervasive, and personal (your fault),
while you think good things are temporary, limited in scope, and
simply the result of chance, certainly not caused by anything you
did. This probably means that you don't prepare adequately, give
up too easily, and consequently aren't as successful as someone
whose thinking isn't dominated by depression.
Most tragically, this depressive
thinking is likely to be turned on yourself. You remember all the
times you failed, and all the times the other guy succeeded; you
literally can't remember your successes. You probably think of yourself
as different from others: weaker, damaged, shameful, inadequate.
You don't consider that you can't get inside another person's skin:
the confidence you envy may be just a front; the skill you wish
for is just practice and hard work; the success you covet may be
bought at a high price.
These ways of thinking are
only bad habits, and they can be changed. But changing any habit
is hard work. Use the Daily Record of Dysfunctional Thoughts, or
any similar tool, to help you identify your own particular depressed
thinking habits. Then learn to argue with yourself. Is there really
any reason to hold that particular belief? What does it do to me
to believe that way? What if I changed my assumptions? Learn a new
habit: challenge every assumption that you make.